Click on the vid above and hear my heart for YOU today!
FOLLOW YOUR HEART...and you won't get lost.
Every once in a while I have to take a few steps back and regroup! The things of the day, week, month all begin to make this huge pile in my life and I find myself feeling this huge sense of the "I'll never's..."
"I'll never get over this big pile of #$)%(#&$%)(&!" Do you ever feel that way? This pile, like a conglomerate rock, compiled of our daily grind, the issues that arise, the pains that we feel, the emotions that we stuff, the joys we experience, the fears we try to hide, the hopes we hope will happen, the truths we hope are true...they're all there...all mixed together...all stuck together like a huge boulder in the road.
Then... if I stop looking at the boulder...if I just take the time to close my eyes and listen...I hear it...
I begin to hear a faint yet familiar sound...my heart. Yes, yes...I hear the thump...thump...thump... but if I listen past the thumping... I hear the still small voice...the one that tells me the truth...the God Honest Truth! But only if I listen.
Back in the nineties, we lived at the beach for an amazing 4 month span. It was during, what could have been, one of the worst times of our lives for my family. We had no work, no income whatsoever, and we had to move from my dream home of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 3 car garage, corner lot, beautiful home, beautiful trees, full of beautiful things. During the year prior to our move we had to take care of a huge debt which forced us to sell most of the valuable, heirloom contents in our possession so we could get this paid off and make a new start. There was such ripping and tearing of my heart as I let "things" go that had belonged to my parents and were now mine. But the debt was paid... and it was time to move on... then finding ourselves living in a bungalow on the beach for the summer for next to nothing. What an amazing blessing...for new beginnings and healing hearts.
That summer, I had days on end to stare at the ocean and listen. One day, as I was listening to the rhythm of the waves I heard..."Follow your heart and everything else will take care of itself." What a peace that settled on me that day. I didn't fully understand what I had heard...but I knew it was truth. For weeks I pondered this "truth"....asking God what it meant. And all I could ever "hear" was..."It means whatever you desire it to mean." You mean, I have a choice? This brief thought, gave me permission to stop looking at the past...to stop responding as I thought I should...which was sulking. I gave myself permission to enjoy the beauty around me and to stop feeling guilty for living in such blessed moment in time!
For years I looked to others to tell me how to feel, how to think, how to respond appropriately, to react in an acceptable way and so on...and now, sitting by myself on the beach...I am facing the reality that I have a choice! A choice to choose my path! Whoa! But what if I fail? What if I can't? What if others don't like what I choose?
We spend our lives thinking we have faith while we follow the advice or expectations of others....all the while not trusting that WE too have what it takes to make a choice for ourselves. When in actuality...true faith comes from diving off that cliff with only the expectation that God is in control. Who are you listening to? Who are you following?
"Follow your heart and everything else (that huge boulder) will take care of itself." What's in your heart? Have you asked?
Today, I am finding myself needing to be reminded once again...To Stop...Listen to My Heart... Trust What I Hear...and Take whatever Action it directs... I know that as I do, that the boulder will either crumble or roll away. My focus will be on embracing the moment and not on fearing the things I have no control over.
So I'm Ready to Dive In... Wanna Join Me?
Hey Robin - I can totally relate to those hard times you had earlier in your life. I did not have an ideal childhood either. But as you said - we can choose.
ReplyDeleteI hope that what ever troubles you are having will pass soon. I am sending you love... :-)
Wow!! Powerful post I must say. It makes me think about things as well. I am going through a rough financial time as it is because my husband is in construction and work is really slow for him right now. It makes us not be able to do many things right now and really holds us back from a lot we had planned in our life, but I look at this with my heart and know no matter what we have one another. All these things material in our life have special meanings to me, but if I ever had to lose them, I know it would be tough, but with him by my side and God looking over us, I know we will be okay. WOW That was one big run on sentence. Good thing no one here cares about grammar, I hope hehe!! I can relate to this post a lot and thank you for sharing! And by the way I am going to a Women's of Faith conference this weekend and Stephen Curtis Chapmen will be playing there. Awesome!! I like his songs, I even danced to one of his songs with my dad at my wedding.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your goals going forward!! We all can do this! All it takes is the drive to complete our goals. :)
Great post, and very true. We can bring good out of bad things in life according to the lessons we are willing/able to learn from them and the subsequent conscious choices we make. BTW, that looks like our beach!
ReplyDeleteThat was very powerful, i love the messages the Christian songs give you! I'm also a fan of Steven Curtis Chapman and of course Mercy Me! For years too, i've followed the expectations of others making sure i could please everyone, boy did that get me in trouble! I had a very troubled family life, especially with my mother, she mentally and physically abused me and was still doing the mental abuse as an adult, six years ago, i followed my heart and cut all ties with her, i was spiraling into a deep dark hole with alcohol by my side. A year and a half later i went to treatment and have been sober for almost 5 years! I had to change and get healthy for MY family. And yes i learned in treatment that you have to do what's best for YOU first and know that being weak can make you stronger. I'm listening and following very closely to words of the Lord, really listening to my heart this time. Thanks for reminding all of us to listen and follow!! What a GREAT post!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Lisa! I'm so proud of you and all that you have done to get your life on the right track. I know that cutting a member of your family out of your life, especially a parent, can be really hard, but sometimes it is necessary when the relationship is hazardous. Even when a child has done nothing wrong, their presence can bring the worst out in their parents for reasons that the child doesn't even know or understand; the child, through no fault of their own, becomes a trigger for the parent. It's hard for people to understand that sometimes the separation is not only good for the person who is being hurt, but it can actually be the best thing that that person can do for the person who is hurting them. That space is probably just what they need to get help for themselves from someone who is not a trigger for them, rather a "safe" third party. So in the end, you're not only taking care of yourself, you may actually be helping your Mom just by the act of taking yourself out of her life.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who struggles with the mental abuse from her father. She has struggled with the thought of cutting him out of her life because she just felt like that would be so selfish for her to do until I pointed out to her that if that was what he NEEDED, it would not be selfish of her because she would be doing what was best for him. Isn't it interesting how we can be blinded by "guilt" instead of being able to temporarily stand back, look at the situation with a non-emotional, judicial eye and do what is best for that situation, even if it means saying goodbye to someone.
I hope that made sense. Sorry to ramble on, but I know several people who, once they understood this, it made such a difference in their life and they were able to finally move past the "guilt" and were able to move forward and do what was right vs. what they felt guilted into doing, whether the guilt came from within themselves as a habitual reaction, or from another person who makes them feel guilty, possibly trying to get the person to do things their way by using guilt as manipulation. Guilt is an emotion; it doesn't necessarily direct us to make correct decisions.
Oh my gosh Minichick, you have hit the nail on the head, i never thought of it this way!! I have to read this to my sister, she has also cut ties. The guilt was just the worst for me and my mother used it all the time to manipulate me and my sister. Yes it is hard to cut ties but it's the best thing we ever did, i don't have that guilt anymore. That guilt was just killing me! My oldest daughter was 13 at the time and my mom was starting to mentally abuse her and that's when i knew it was time to get out. The worst part of the whole thing was my dad would sit back and let her get by with the abuse, never saying a word! Anyway, I too could go on and on but that's a whole different blog. Thank you so much for your care and concern, a big HUG to you!!
ReplyDeleteOh good, thanks. I was hoping you would understand what I was saying. I hope it helps your sister. HUGS to both of you.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I would not put up with that type of behavior towards my kids, either. Watch out! MAMA BEAR coming through...as it should be. We are supposed to protect our children...from ANYONE who is trying to harm them. Good for you! You're a good Mama. :) XOXO